On Turning 30

At this point in my life there are many things I thought I would have been true of me by now. Some are thankfully/positively not true. For example, I still have a thick head of hair, which I expected to have been reduced to a polished cue given that both my grandfathers were bald before 30.

Others are lamentably/painfully not true. I would have thought that by now I would have been happily married. Only the Lord knows how long and how deeply I have desired to know and love the woman God has prepared me for and prepared for me. To know and love her not as a category, but as a uniquely beautiful whole person. To know and love her with all the lifelong, immersive vulnerability, physicality, and grace that God intends for those called to the true mutuality of marriage. To share a love that, as it participates in God’s own love and life-giving grace, overflows into the joy of creating new life as an expression of that love. But a love like this I have yet to find, a prayer I have yet to see answered.

As I enter my third decade, I would have thought that I would have a child or even children of my own. As the Lord knows, I have wanted to be a father since long before I even had the slightest idea of how children are made. I look forward to the day when I can kiss my children’s foreheads goodnight as I tuck them in and say “I love you” even if they seem to be sleeping as my father did for me every night after he got home from work (as an aside I am keenly aware of how greatly I have been blessed to have the father and mother I have, without whom I might have had much a more difficult time understanding and experiencing the rich love of God—Thanks Mama and Dad for all you’ve sacrificed to make my brief 30 years so richly blessed).

My fatherly disposition I have always had. In fact, I miss having children more visibly present at the service I attend at my church. I miss being able to express the simple love of listening to their excited stories and their truly insightful questions. I hope I have always had the same disposition towards them as Christ has: warm and keenly aware of their sacred worth—refusing to let them be viewed as an inconvenient distraction to “grown up things.” My Catholic friends might suggest this is rather reflective of my pastoral vocation, the mark of a man destined to love the lambs of God. But while I would never completely reject the fatherly dimension of pastoral and even theological work, Jesus’ words still ring in my heart “Call no one your father on earth, for there is [only] One, your Heavenly Father. And don’t be called teachers either, because your teacher is One, the Christ.” And now living the land of the Oxford don, the danger of the latter is just as glaring as the former.

I also thought that by age 30 I would be entering the last year of my doctoral studies, rather than the second-to-last, Lord willing. I mean, I suppose I’m actually not too far behind on that account, but even still I had hoped to be closer to finishing. However, I’m actually loving my DPhil experience, it almost feels like vacation sometimes, or a vacation with deadlines I guess. I am even thinking the unthinkable regularly now: the postdoctoral research fellowship.

I would have hoped that by now I would have been more instrumental in bringing the faith to the nations, in seeing many turn to find faith, hope, and love in Christ. As one who wants all the billions to know the joy, love, and vitality of knowing Christ as Lord and Saviour, it does grieve me know that most of those billions still have not tasted, seen, or perhaps even heard that the Lord Jesus is truly Good. Some might cynically suggest this is about some vapid ambition towards a glamourous ministry, preaching to the masses—some weird twisted longing to be the centre of attention, but the centre of my attention is the Lord Jesus Christ. It is not that I long to be recognized but that I long for Christ to be recognized as the God and Saviour He is in and through me. After all, as John the Baptist said, “He must become greater, and I lesser.” The supreme joy of instrumentality is not that I am known, but that He is known. Thus, for as long as my instrumentality can be said to have been ineffective in this regard, the greater my longing for a participatory instrumentality by the Spirit in making Christ known in my life, actions, and love in such a way that He is desired to be known relationally and not solely as some intellectual, cultural curiosity from some dusty era evacuated of all contemporary significance. Anyways, the point is I would have hoped to have seen many more fellow lost sheep be found by the Shepherd of our souls and had some minimal participating role in that historical process.

I would have thought that at least in concrete earthly terms I would be able to say my pastoral work was more clearly fruitful. That when I left churches they were in better conditions than when I entered them. Alas, that is not the case. While certainly there were and still are amazing faithful people in all the churches I served, and while I did see some fruit from my labours, I have to admit that every church I served suffered upheavals or struggled against structural issues that limited their growth. Most people would measure success by how many people joined their church, but while I saw people join, I am still left measuring my “success” by how well I prepared them to face the challenges that were to come, not by which challenges I have seen them overcome. I am looking at how many God used me to send out, not how many God used me to keep. The truth is it would be easy to categorize my ministry from the outside as a failure.

So there it is: failure—simple, clear, and diverse in its claim. I’ve failed at finding love, having a family, progressing quickly in academia, sharing the good news, and pastoring churches, not to mention all the other things I don’t have space to mention that I would have thought would be true of me at age 30.

Yet…

While one might say the only thing I have succeed at is failure, there is one thing I can say has been far more successful in my life than I could have ever dreamed: My Triune God’s grace, mercy, and love.

Despite all my failures, sins, and even outright rebellions, one thing has thankfully remained true: I know the true and living God and He knows me, because He never fails to make Himself ever more present, ever more real, ever more gracious, ever more faithful to me. At age 30, few people are given the grace to say in honesty: to die might be gain, but to live is Christ! I know Christ—crucified for my sins, and resurrected for my life!

I live acutely aware that not even the next breath is guaranteed, but at the same time I live gratefully into the guaranteed eternal breadth of life I have in Christ.

I am not perfect. Far, far, far, far, far, far from it. But I am perfectly loved. When I was a child I don’t remembering looking up to any of the Biblical figures as role models, just Jesus. He alone was King and Saviour, and I was too young see myself as anything but one of the precious children Jesus Christ would not let be kept from his loving embrace and the grace of His truth—and little has changed in many regards. Even still, as I grew and failed and became the man I am today, I came to identify more and more with two particular biblical figures.

As to my keenly theological, pastoral, and intercultural mind, I can’t help but to see some minor reflection of myself in Paul. Truly much of my days are consumed with theological reflections and pastoral affection for the global body of Christ. I think deeply and sarcasm is my native tongue—and if you don’t see how these are connected, please go read something of Paul’s. I am never satisfied with anything other than the growth of the global body of Christ.

But while I may think about the things Paul wrote, my personality and life pattern more accurately remind me of Peter. In fact, at this point, I am not sure there is any more characteristic interaction between me and Jesus than there was between Jesus and Peter at the Last Supper:

Jesus:   I’m going to wash your feet now Anthony.

Me:      NO WAY JESUS! I should be washing your feet.

Jesus:   If you don’t let Me wash your feet, you’ll have no part of Me.

Me:      Well, in that case, Jesus, give me a bath! Wash me from head to toe! Scrub me till my skin bleeds!

Jesus:  Take it down a notch, Anthony, you’ve already had a bath. Just the feet is enough.

*Some time later…Jesus is warning me to take heed lest I fall*

Me:      Jesus, I’d never DO THAT!

Jesus:   …

Me:      No, really, I would never do that. It’s an abomination to me!

Jesus:   Yeah, to Me too, but when you have I’ll wash your feet and you’ll be fully clean.

*insert some act of repulsive human foolishness*

Me:      Jesus, I can’t believe I did that. I don’t deserve any of your blessings. I’ve wrecked all you wanted to do with me. I’ve invalidated all your callings, promises, and grace to me.

Jesus:   Have you now? You’ve done all that?

Me:      Lord, you know, Paul and Peter have nothing on the putrid godlessness I just pulled! I am keenly aware of the consequences of evil. I’ve sinned and You discipline those You love.

Jesus:   Yeah, sure, but Anthony, do you love Me?

Me:      Of course, Lord, You know I love You. How could I not?

Jesus:   Then feed My lambs.

…

Anthony, do you love Me?

Me:      Lord, of course I love You. You know that.

Jesus:   Then shepherd my sheep.

            …

            Anthony, do you love Me?

Me:      Lord, You know that I love you with all my heart!

Jesus:   Then feed my lambs.

Me:      O Lord, that I might love You as You have loved me!

Jesus:   Don’t worry, Anthony. You will. You will.

A Pauline mind with a Petrine heart pretty much sums up the whole of my life with the Triune God, really it sums up the last 30 years of my life quite well. I screw up more and worse than most, but I am given more and better grace than most.

I write these things knowing full well there is a certain heaviness about them, and that those who do not know me well will think I am languishing is some dismal hole of depression or disappointment. But if so, you have missed the hope of grace which is the true theme of this whole reflection. I feel deeply—oh yes—but faith, hope, and love are more fundamental to the laws of the universe than gravity. 30 years has given me access to such a perspective.

Consequently, I write these things, because it is appropriate at certain points in life to take count and consider what has been one’s life. I write these in the hope that they encourage others and that they provide a model for my brothers and sisters who themselves will come to a time of self-assessment, to a moment of recognition, to a season of waiting on grace. The timing and trajectory of God’s grace always operates according to a superior logic of perfect love than the frail logic of human rationality. Essentially, many things may turn out in ways we would not have predicted or chosen for ourselves, but all things turn out better than those predictions or expectations for those who love God and are called according to His gracious plan.

In 30 years-time, I may reflect again and think about all I failed to see become true of me in life, knowing mine is largely over. However, this one thing will remain true then as it has till now: the grace of God.

Therefore, this one thing I do, as I run the race of faith by the Spirit so as to win the prize for which I have been called heavenward in Christ Jesus: I press ever more fully—running with feet regularly washed by Christ—into the grace of my One and Only Heavenly Father. May I love Him as I have been loved by Him. May that love—mine and God’s—overflow to my family, to the body of Christ, and to the nations for whom Christ died.

Post Scriptum:

I want to especially also express my sincere thanks and love to my brother Christopher, who has had to forgive more than his fair share as a younger brother, and who I am very proud of and miss gaming everyday with more than he’ll ever know. And to my sister, Olivia, who will always be adorable and 7 years old in my mind, to her great chagrin, and who I hope will take my constant nudgings to move to Spain as an expression of my desire to have her closer to me. You both have made 28 and 23 years of the 30 much more fun and the next 30 years all the more desirable! I love you.

Mama and Dad, I am very grateful to you for all that you do and have done. Thank you especially for always pushing me academically and for supporting my call to ministry, despite how financially destitute it may leave me. Thank you for putting up with all my pickiness as child, and for all the freedom and responsibility you gave me in equal portions. Thank you for feeding, clothing, and housing me. Thank for all the love and affection as well. I love you.

And to all my friends, who in the scope of 30 years are far too many to name—though I am tempted to try—but without whom I would not be the man that I am today. Not only have you made life fun, but you have challenged, encouraged, rebuked, shamed, supported, prayed for, and humbled me. Thank you. I love you. And I look forward to being connected with you 30 years from now.

However, I simply must succumb to the temptation to name my friends who have been actively involved in my life for 20+ years: Paul and David Vinci with the rest of your family, and Jon Dennis with the rest of your family—we may not be technically related, but you and your families are my family too I love you all and look forward to looking back 30 years from now and reflecting on friends that endured half a century.

And lastly, though first in my heart, all thanks, praise, glory, honour, power, worship, allegiance, and love to my God and Father, and to my Saviour and King Jesus Christ, and to my Leader and Empowerer the Holy Spirit! Without You, my Triune God, I would be hopeless, lifeless, useless, and loveless! Knowing you IS eternal life, full stop. Thank you for 30 years! May I be granted at least 30 more for your glory and for tasting more of your goodness! Amen.

Ode to the God of Light

A Spontaneous prayer of Praise, of varying meter

Good Morning Abba!
Today is beautiful--serene.

The sun is clear and beaming
light dancing and streaming.
all in the world seems so good, true, and right,
in the purity and bliss of the light.
A light and joy so pure as dawn
streaming in the room and across the lawn.
God, a taste of a world eternal,
a land rich with abundance vernal

You are God and Good and Righteous and Just,
to respond in praise is truly a must!
On days like these the peace is almost transcendent,
streaming in from Your Throne all resplendent!
The light is still but a faint echo of bliss
compared to the joy of Your presence!
The Spirit living with in me is a joy truly Divine,
to think that we so foolishly abandoned this design!
The fall into sin stole the light so sweet,
cursed as we are to return to the dust beneath our feet.

Yet on days like today, as I sit here in the Sun,
I am reminded that that curse was undone!
By Jesus, the Son--Your Son, my Sun--
a joy and pleasure so grand--

He rises to stand, to stand in my defense,
to stand for my reward, having paid my recompense!
I am a fool, cruel and dumb with drool,
yet sitting in something of a Heavenly school,
sitting in the light where all seems right,
sitting and waiting hope fixed aright
On Jesus

My light, my Sun beyond this sun,
Light beyond this Heaven echoing light
He is Right, the Light, the Winner of the Fight,
Whose life blazes bright, even in the darkest night,
of the soul, of the woe,
making the broken whole.
Forever.
Amen.

Insight from my devotions from Matt. 8.14-18: Insights into (Magical) Healing Ministries

Jesus counters ideas coming from pop-healing-ministry culture then and now.

Then like now many people thought that to be healed you needed a special touch, or a special word spoken, or some other kind of "power encounter."

But Jesus just touches a woman's hand, and she is dramatically healed of a crippling fever so much that she gets up and get to work.

But Jesus just speaks and the demons flee.

But Jesus heals so many people that the Bible doesn't even elaborate on how.

This is because the power that Jesus has to heal and save doesn't come from magical words, magical touches, or magical "power encounters." Instead, Jesus is powerful because of Who He is, not what He does.

The only reason I think of that Jesus does touch and speak when He heals is so that our human minds can reasonably establish cause and effect.

Without the words, without the touches, we might not realize the grace of Christ comes from Christ, as we often don't in our everyday lives (because Christ heals and save us so much without even forcing us to see Him as responsible).

Yet, because of who God created us to be, human beings who see cause and effect, but hopefully only when there is reason to, Jesus touches, Jesus speaks, Jesus explains.

There are the times as here in Matt. 8.14-18, where the healing seems to come with speaking to and touching the afflicted, but there are other instances where a woman in need of healing touches Him instead of being touched by Him (Matt. 9.20-22), and where Jesus says the healing has already happened (Mark 7.29-30).This means that of course Jesus is more seeking to help us see Him as the reason for the healing than to see special words, laying on of hands, or "power encounters" as powerful.

The truth is only Jesus Christ has the power to heal, save, and exorcise. And we as Christians have that power only in Christ. It is not flashy words, putting our hands on someone's head, or some other dramatic activity, or even the music or the chanting or whatever that we heal and exorcise. Rather we heal and cast out demons as emissaries of Christ. Not because the syllables of "Jesus Christ" are intrinsically powerful, but because Jesus Christ is intrinsically powerful and we depend on Him as we represent Him to the world.

Therefore, if you or I happen to encounter someone that is treating a certain phrase like magic, or someone that insists he/she must touch you to heal you, or someone who can't ever seem to heal any one without music blaring over the speakers and a quick sweeping off balance, then I suggest that such a person is not of Christ. Because the power of Christ doesn't require a particular circumstance but dependence on a particular person, Jesus Christ.

Wednesday Devotional: Psalm 119.25-32 (Stanza ד)

Prayer
   Pray and ask God the Father to open your heart to hear His message to you as you read the Bible. But also spend some time just talking with Him about how your day went.

   Abba, have mercy on me for my weaknesses. Help me to really understand Your Word as I read and think about it today. Stir in me through Your Word a greater desire to know Christ and live a life of following the Holy Spirit in all things. In Jesus's Name, Amen.

Passage: Psalm 119.25-32 (Stanza ד)
25   My soul claws at the dust!
       I live according to Your Word!
26   I spoke in detail about my lifestyle
       and I You responded to me!
       Teach Me Your laws!
27   Make me understand the lifestyle of Your expectations
       and I will definitely think deeply about Your miracles!
28   My soul drips with sadness
       Lift me up according to Your Word!
29   Remove any false way from me!
       and be gracious me with Your instruction!
30   I choose the path of truth
       I follow Your decisions.
31   I hold on tight to Your statements, Yahweh!
       Don't shame me!
32   I passionately pursue the path of Your commands,
       because You enlarge my understanding!

Background
    This passage continues the longest chapter in the Bible with a stanza for the fourth letter of the Hebrew alphabet, dalet (ד). In Hebrew, 5 of the 8 verses start with the same Hebrew word for "way/path/lifestyle." And v.25 and v.31 both start with the same word for "grabbing tightly." This means that there is a lot of focus on lifestyle, gripping, and because it is the only beginning that is different, on the dripping of the author's soul. As for within the stanza, it probably has two subgroups, vv.25-28 (which focuses mostly on the sorrow and dedication of the psalmist) and vv.29-32 (which focuses mainly on the psalmist's desire to obey and follow God completely).

Reflection
   The main theme of this passage is about the lifestyle God wants for us and the psalmist's desire for that same lifestyle. And it makes me ask if I am really committed to God's lifestyle, if I really long to live for God and do His will. I want to be even more committed to living God's kind of lifestyle and being dedicated to Him by living out His Word.
   The other thing that really jumps out at me is the dual focus of the passage, how the psalmist is really struggling emotionally, but at the same time is still clinging tightly to God. Sometimes, it is easy to let emotional difficulties draw us away from God and from a strong commitment to Him. But I want to be more like the author who tells God honestly where he's at and clings to God even tighter when life is crazy.
    The other thing that resonates with me is that the lifestyle God commands us to follow can actually expand our understanding of the world and ability use our mind. A lot of times Christians think that following Christ and reading the Bible makes it harder for them to be or appear smart, but it is helpful to me to remember that in fact it is the Bible that expands my understanding of the world. I may be accused of narrowmindedness, but in fact, the Bible has increased my ability to understand life and the world. The Bible enables me to live a wiser and smarter life, but also to understand people and systems and even science better.

Applications
    Pursue living for God according to His way of life.
    Cling to my relationship with God all the more when life gets stressful, depressing, or frustrating.
    Allow the Bible to expand my understanding, allow it to shape my way of viewing and understanding life, people, and the world, including science, psychology, etc.

Prayer
   Abba, I love You! Make me live for You just like Jesus did! Empower me by Your Holy Spirit to listen to the Holy Spirit's voice and obey His guidance. Lord, right now there are things in my life that are stressful and depressing and even frustrating. God, help me to cling to you more tightly because of those things and able to come to You with them all the time. Lord, teach me Your Word and let it shape my mind and expand my ability to understand. Don't let me be deceived by the way of falsehood that prioritizes other things or frameworks for understanding above Your message to Your people! I love You! Fill me with Your Spirit! In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Wednesday Devotional: Psalm 119.17-24 (Stanza ג)

Prayer 

   Pray and talk to God about how your day went. Tell what was hard. Ask for what you need, but also spend some time thanking God for Who He is and what He does for you. And make sure to ask for wisdom and insight to understand and apply this passage. 

   Abba, it's hard to be focused with all that's going on today and tomorrow, but Abba I love you and thank you for what you've already helped me to accomplish today. Be glorified in me and teach me Your Word! In Jesus' Name, Amen. 

Scripture 

17   Treat your slave graciously, so I will live, 

        and I will obey Your Word!

18   Unblind my eyes, 

       so I will see mind-blowing things from Your instruction!

19   I'm a stranger in the land!

       Don't hide Your commands from me!

20   My life is crushed by longing

       for Your judgments all the time!

21   You reprimand arrogant people as cursed, 

       those who stray from Your commands!

22   Take shame and disrespect away from Me, 

       because I obey Your statements!

23   Moreover, powerful leaders sit--they talk with each other against me

       Your slave is studying Your laws!

24   Moreover, Your statements are my delights--

       They're my advisers! 

Background 

   The author of this psalm continues to struggle through talking with God about His problems. These 8 verses all start with the third letter of the Hebrew alphabet, gimel (ג). However, in this section we see that not only does the psalmist have this passionate desire to know God and obey His Word, but he has problems with other people in his life. He is struggling with people who are giving him a hard time, maybe in part because the author is so committed to studying and enjoying the Word of God and so intent on having a thriving relationship with God. Maybe they hate the author because he won't compromise on obeying God, or maybe they just think that following God so passionately is dumb. Either way, the author is dealing with slander and feeling socially devalued and isolated. And all this is just on top of the fact, that he is still wanting to know God, and in some case is confused why there would be so much opposition in his life to following God and living for Him, especially since that is what God wants. 

   The section basically breaks down into two themes: 1) [vv.17-20] the psalmist's longing for a stronger relationship with God through understanding and obeying the Bible; 2) [vv.21-24] the psalmist's longing for relief from the shame and disrespect he is experience from people who don't follow God. 

Reflection 

   I think what sticks out to me is how desperate the author is to really enjoy and understand God's Word, but also how dependent the author is on God to make that all possible. 

   I am also impressed with just how honest this author is with God. He tells him what he is going through. He tells God about the struggle to understand and see the amazing things in His Word. He is honest about how much the attacks of other people are getting to him. He may even praying that God would curse arrogant people. there is this strong contrast between people being rebellious against God, and the author who is, generally speaking, rather faithful and passionate toward God. He even asks God to get rid of the shame and disrespect, because he obeys God's instructions. But I think that is not so much the author's way of saying that he deserves God to give him relief, although perhaps that is sort of there, but that he is someone who clearly has a relationship with God. So, he is actually saying something more like, "save me from my misery, because You're my God, and I'm one of Your people!" instead of "save me from my misery, because You owe me for all the times I obeyed!"

   I'm also struck by how little has changed in the 2500 years or so since this was written. We still have problems with people. We still face people making us miserable, even for being faithful to God. And we even still struggle to understand and obey and even enjoy God's Word, but we like the psalmist want that to be different. And yet, wonderfully we still have the God Who cares and listens and answers, just like the psalmist has. And God is still someone that we can go to for hope and strength and relief from the people causing us trouble and for wisdom and understanding to know what to do and how to understand His Word.

Application 

   Be honest with God about what you're going through, no matter what it is. 

   Rely on God for understanding and enjoying His Word. 

   Obey God's Word. 

Prayer 

   Spend some more time praying about what you learned and felt from this passage, maybe confess some sins or tell God about what you really want and what you're really facing in life and ask for Him to intervene. 

   Abba, I love You! You're so awesome and good and righteous and just! There is NO one like You! God, I'm stress out from school and tired. I want to long passionately for Your Word, I don't just want to understand it, I want to enjoy it and I want to actually do it! Have mercy on me and make it all happen! Give me grace and protect me and uphold me as I deal with people who are making my life more difficult than I would like and with even people treating me badly. Fill me with Your Holy Spirit and make me cling even tighter to Jesus' blood as I live for Your glory, Abba! In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Wednesday Devotional: Psalm 119.9-16 (Stanza ב)

Prayer 

Take some time to pray that God would open your heart, mind, and life to His Word. 

Abba, reveal to us the riches of Your Word, and give us the passion to pursue You by reading it wholeheartedly today filled with the Holy Spirit! In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Scripture: Psalm 119.9-16 (Stanza ב)

9    How can a young man make his path pure

      i.e. keeping [it] in line with Your Word?

10  With all my heart I pursueYou!

      Don't lead me away from Your commands!

11  I hide Your promise in my heart, 

      so that I don't sin against You!

12  You are Blessed, Yahweh!

      Teach me Your laws!

13  With my lips I tell all about 

      all the judgments of Your mouth!

14  In the path of Your pronouncements I rejoice--

      like [I rejoice] over all wealth!

15  On Your decisions I meditate!

      and I think about Your ways!

16  In Your laws I take pleasure

      I don't forget Your word!

Background 

   Psalm 119 continues with another 8 verses that all start with the second letter of the Hebrew alphabet, bet, ב. This section also seems to function almost as the second part of the intro for the chapter. There are lots of different terms for God's communication to us in these verse, sometimes in laws, other times in promises, and other times in speech. The question of the passage is how we response and think about God's communication to us. Also, the concept of following after God is found here, with talk about ways and paths. Before Peter followed Jesus and left his net, the poet of this psalm was following Yahweh. Jesus is Yahweh, so following Him has always been a part of what true believers in Yahweh have done. 

Reflection 

   Spend some time for yourselves to read and meditate on these 8 verses. Pray through the passage and enjoy some personal time with God, and maybe think about or write down some of your own reflects on the passage before you read mine. 

   The first thing that really jumps out at me is, ironically, not the psalmists question of how he can make his life pure. As much as I can honestly say living a holy and pure life before God is hard, especially if I think about all the raging hormones that we all fight, I didn't resonate emotional with the question, although I have been talking with God lately about how hard purity is. Instead, my heart left at the words "I pursue you with all my heart!" Pursuing God with all my heart is what I long to do, it is in many ways all my life is about. I love God. I long to pursue Him, to seek Him to chase Him down and grab Him and never let Him go. I'm been pursuing Him, at this point, as long as I can remember, by His grace. But how much more I long to pursue Him with greater zeal and greater faithfulness. And since my whole life has been one of chasing Him down, I can sympathize with the psalmist who adds "Don't lead me astray." It is a place of supreme trust, following Yahweh, and we honestly recognize that He is the One Who keeps us faithful. 

   Joy in God's ways and words is one other area that really jumps out at me. I think how much this guy loves and enjoys all the things that God has say and even commanded. Sometimes, we think of commands as great burdens, especially in our culture. Yet, it is amazing that this guys sees them as a place of supreme joy, as things that make him smile, and that in a way give his life meaning. He enjoys them as much as being rich. How amazing. Many of us think about getting rich, or about how much happiness we would have if we only had more wealth. Yet, this passage reminds me that in fact, I have far greater riches and joy that satisfies as much as riches, if not more, not in physical possessions but in the communications of God to us. The more I reflect on them the more joy I have. And the truth is, that in my walk with God, walking with Him and learning His ways and His Word has always given me supreme joy. 

Application

So, I might suggest that we pursue God and follow Him more and more, making that desire paramount. 

I also think that we should consider that we are already more deeply and freely rich than human and temporary wealth can offer. Only God can give me joy in despair, no amount of money can do that. Only God's word can comfort me and give me hope, money never can. we should start seeing ourselves as rich in God's word, and start taking deep joy in His communication to us!

Prayer
Abba, You are Good, and Your Word and Ways are good! Give us great delight in learning and reading and thinking about them! O God, don't let us turn to thinking about money and being rich as the way we make ourselves feel better or feel happy, but instead turn us to You! Make us pursue You, don't make us go astray! You are Sovereign give us ultimate delight in You through reflection on Your Word! Make reading the Bible more of a joy for us than blowing a bunch of money at the mall! We love You in Jesus' Name, Amen. 

Jesus Teaches on Prayer (Matthew 6.5-15)

Click HERE to Listen to/Download the Sermon

Scripture: Matthew 6.5-15

Translation: ⁵And whenever you’re praying, don’t be like the hypocrites, because they love standing to pray in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, so that they can show off to humans! Amen, I say to you, they’re already getting paid their reward. ⁶But you, whenever you would be praying, go into your inside room and shut your door to pray to your Father, the One Who is in the hidden place, and your Father, the One Who sees in the hidden place will reward you.

⁷And when you’re praying, don’t babble on and on just like the pagans, because they think that they will be listened to because of their many words. ⁸So, don’t be like them, because your Father knows what things you have need of before you ask Him! ⁹So you guys, pray like this:

“Our Father Who is in the heavens,

make Your Name be treated special/holy,

¹⁰make Your Kingdom come,

make Your Will happen on earth too just like in Heaven.

¹¹Give us today the food we need for today!

¹²And forgive us of our debts,

like we too forgive the people in debt to us.

¹³And don’t bring us into testing/temptation,

rather rescue us from the evil one.”

¹⁴Because if you would forgive humans their violations, Your Heavenly Father will forgive you too. ¹⁵But if you won’t forgive humans, then Your Father won’t forgive your violations!

The Point I’m Stressing: Jesus teaches us that prayer is not about what other people think about our prayers, it is about talking to God, and it is not about using the right words or the right amount of words to get an answer, it is about talking to God like He is our Father, since He is, and asking for stuff for God and stuff for ourselves, but when we ask for forgiveness, we better have already forgiven people who have wronged us, otherwise God won’t forgive us

Interpretation

1.      Structure

a.       Teaching on Prayer Part One

                                                              i.      DON'T: Pray to Impress People, to get respect from people

                                                            ii.      DO: Pray to Talk to God, to get what we need from Him

b.      Teaching on Prayer Part Two

                                                              i.      DON'T: Pray with lots of empty repetition

                                                            ii.      DO: Pray prayers that are honest and meaningful, devoid of empty repetition

                                                          iii.      Explanation of Why Verse 12b is a Part of the Model Prayer:

1.      Forgive people, or God won’t forgive you

2.      Themes

a.       Prayer (vv.5-15, word for prayer or praying is found in, v.5[2x], 6[2x], 7, 8[αιτεω] 9)

b.      Hypocrisy (vv.5-6)

c.       Reward (v.5 and v.6)

d.      Forgiveness (v.12 and vv.14-15)

e.       Sovereignty of God (vv.9-13)

f.       Needs (v.8, vv.11-13, 14-15)

g.      Comparison (v.5, v.8, v.10)

h.      The Fatherhood of God the Father—God is our Father (vv.6[2x], 8, 9, 14, 15)

i.        Dependence on God (vv.7-15)

3.      Doctrines

a.       Absolute Sovereignty of God

b.      Forgiveness has to be given to be gotten

c.       Prayers are about God

d.      Prayers are also about Needs and Requestions

e.       How we pray affects whether God will reward us/answer our prayers

f.       God is Omniscient

g.      God is Our Father

h.      Dependence on God

Applications

1.      Prayer is not completely about us (although we are clearly involved and our lives have an impact on what we pray for, we do pray for ourselves). It is more about God. When Jesus tells us to pray “Make Your Name be treated as holy, make Your Kingdom come, make Your Will happen” those are prayers that we want for God, as much as we want for ourselves. We want God to be given honor and love and respect, we want God to bring His Kingdom to earth, we want God’s Will to be done. But the truth is we are also praying because God deserves those things. We pray for ourselves, but Jesus’ model prayer starts with praying for God

2.      We should pray frequently, “the food we need for today” probably implies that it is appropriate to depend on God every single day for food, to ask that He feeds you is an appropriate prayer. This may seem like a silly prayer to some or even most of you, because God has blessed you with more or less comfortable financial situations. You’re families have enough money and so you’ve never had to pray this, but the day will come in all of your lives at some point when you don’t know how you’re going to get anything to eat. more likely the financial stress won’t be as strong on the starving front, but I think it’s pretty likely that at some point in your life, you won’t know how you are going to pay rent, or get your car fixed, and some of you even get a meal. I’m only 25 and God has already put me in those kinds of situations, so to know that you can go to God for the basics is awesome!

3.      Prayer is not for impressing people, it’s for talking with God, now you may be thinking that you don’t have a problem with wanting to use prayer to impress people, but maybe we do and we don’t know it. So let me ask a question, do you mind praying in public? When we ask for a volunteer to pray, do you always hope that no one will call on you? Let’s say you answered yes, why? Is it because you’re scared of speaking in public? In our case, that is probably not the main issue, because we are smaller group and we know each other well, and all of you have spoken to all of us at some point. But let me ask the question a different way, do you think that the main reason why you don’t want to pray for the group is that you are concerned what people with think of your prayer? What you may not realize is that is the same understanding ofprayer that the hypocrites have, just manifested different. See, the hypocrites are just confident in their ability to make their prayers sound good, whereas you may not be. But both understand prayer as something that should impress people, the problem is when we make our prayers more about what other people will think about us and our prayers, than about talking with God and asking Him for what we need. Our prayers don’t need to impress anyone, they just need to bless everyone. Jesus is not talking about praying in public as an evil thing, Jesus’ problem is with the motivation for the way they pray

4.      We should talk to God like He is our Father, because He is. And He is the Best Father. You may or may not have a father who is easy to talk to or who is good at making you feel loved and valued, but God is a really GOOD Father, He is the easiest to talk to, and He always makes us feel loved and valued. Yes, He is still an authority figure, but not an abusive one, not a harsh one, not a cruel one, and not even a selfish one, this means that the easier person to talk to is God and we don’t have to hold back or worry about whether He will be insulted by what we say, because He knows everything including the motives of our heart and the exact meaning in our words

5.      Don’t think you have to pray long prayers to get answers from God, you don’t. people who don’t really trust God think that is how it works. they think “if I just pray really well, or ask a billion times, God will answer my prayer.” Don’t think there are a special sequence of words or phrase or way of talking to God that will make Him answer—churchy words don’t mean God will answer your prayers. That’s not how prayer works.

6.      Be selfish in your prayers, ask for what you need God to give you and trust in Him to give it. You don’t have to try and make your prayer sound like it is some grand thing that is so awesome that God has to answer it, because that assumes you have to impress God to get answers from God, but you don’t. You can tell God why answering your prayer would bless people, and sometimes that is a good way to pray. But really how complicated do you need to make a prayer for food or gas money? Do you need to pray, “God, please give me some food, because food will give me strength to tell people about Jesus, and then people will trust in Jesus, and then our family will get bigger?” when really all you’re really thinking is, Man, God, I’m hungry. Can I have some food?” It’s not wrong to want basic things for grand reasons, and to pray for big picture reasons, those are good things to do sometimes, but you don’t always have to pray like that. Sometimes a “I need money to go on this retreat” is enough. God isn’t stupid you don’t have to spell it all out for Him. It’s not like He going to be like “why do you want to eat food?” He knows you’re hungry.

7.      Forgive people, everyone, whether they deserve it or not, because God won’t forgive you, if you won’t forgive others. Maybe you’re thinking, “why do I have to forgive them, they don’t deserve it!” That’s a good question, let’s ask it again, “Why should God forgive us when we don’t deserve it?” Getting forgiveness from God requires that we have some relationship with God, and when we forgive others we show that we have that relationship, because forgiven people forgive people, and our relationship with God is very much tied to our being forgiven by God. We show that we probably are not forgiven if we won’t forgive. Jesus is blunt here, if we won’t forgive people, as individuals and as a group, God won’t forgive us! So, uh, let’s forgive people.

8.      We pray together, which also implies in public, that is why it says “Our Father” and “give us our daily food” and “forgive our debts” and “we’ve forgiven our debtors” and “don’t lead us into testing” and “rescue us,”

Illustrations/Explanations

1.      God is not like a candy machine where the candy doesn’t come out if you don’t stick in enough quarters, so that we need to put in a lot of quarters to make sure we get what we want from God

A Translation of James

Translation of James

James 1

^1.1Jacob/James, God’s and the Lord Jesus Christ’s slave

To the twelve tribes, the ones in the Diaspora

Hello.

²Consider [it] total happiness, my brothers, whenever you stumble upon different kinds of testings, ³because you know that the testing-designed-to-prove-the-authenticity*** of your faith produces endurance. ⁴And the endurance had better have its complete work, so that you can be complete and whole, lacking in nothing. ⁵But if one of you lacks wisdom, he had better ask from the God Who gives to all generously and Who doesn’t mock, and it will be given to him. ⁶But he had better ask in faith, doubting nothing, because the person who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is blown and thrown around. ⁷Indeed, that human had better not expect that he will get anything from the Lord, ⁸a man doubting and unstable in all his ways.

⁹And the lowly brother had better brag about his high position. ¹⁰And the rich one in his lowly position, because like a flower of grass he passes away. ¹¹For the sun rises with the heat and dries up the grass and its flower falls off and the beauty of its face is destroyed, so too the rich [brother] fades during his travels.

¹²Blessed is the man who endures testing, because after he has become proven-authentic-by-testing he will receive the crown of life, which He promised to those who love Him! ¹³No one who is being tested had better say that “by God I’m being tempted!” because God is untemptable by evil things, and He tempts no one. ¹⁴Rather each person is tempted by their own desire, being dragged away and lured. ¹⁵Then the desire gives having conceived gives birth to sin, and the sin when brought to completion gives birth to death.

¹⁶Don’t be tricked, my loved brothers! ¹⁷every good giving and every perfect gift is from above coming down from the Father of lights, concerning Whom there is no variation or shadow of change. ¹⁸Because He decided to , He gave birth to us by the message of truth, so that we would be a firstfruits, one of His created things.

¹⁹Know [this] my loved brothers, and every man had better be fast when it comes to listening, slow when it comes to speaking, slow when it comes to anger, ²⁰because anger from a man does not accomplish God’s righteousness. ²¹So, because you’ve put off all dirtiness and an abundance of badness in humility, take the implanted message, the one able to save your lives!

²²And become doers of the message and not only hearers, thereby deceiving yourselves, ²³because if some is a hearer of the message and not a doer, this person is like a man who studies the face of his existence in a mirror, ²⁴because he studies himself and goes out and immediately forgets what he’s like. ²⁵But the person who looks into the perfect law, the one of freedom and who continues, not becoming a forgetful hearer, but an action taker—this one will be blessed in his doing. ²⁶If someone seems to be worshipful who doesn’t bridle his tongue, but deceives his heart, the worship of this guy is empty. ²⁷Wworship that is clean and undefiled before the God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their suffering, to keep oneself untainted by the world.

James 2

^2.1My brothers, don’t hold the faith in our Lord Jesus Christ of glory with partialities/favoritisms***. ²For if a man wearing gold rings would come into your synagogue in white clothes, but also a poor man would come in filthy clothes, ³And you would look on the one wearing the white clothes and would say, “You, sit here in a good spot” and to the poor man you would say “You stand or sit there under my footrest.” ⁴Then aren’t you discriminating among yourselves and haven’t you become judges of with wicked reasonings? ⁵Listen up, my loved brothers, didn’t God pick for Himself the poor in/with regard to the world as rich in faith and inheritors of the kingdom, which He promised to those who love Him? ⁶But you yourselves dishonor the poor! Aren’t the rich people exploiting you and are they themselves taking/drawing*** you into court? ⁸If indeed you fulfill a royal law according to the Scripture: “You will love your neighbor as yourself,” you act in a good way. ⁹But if you play favorites/discriminate***, you commit sin, being exposed by the Law as violators, ¹⁰because whoever would keep the whole law, but would trip up on one part, he is in a state of having become liable*** for all of it! ¹¹For the one who says, “You will not commit adultery” also said “You will not murder.” And if you don’t commit adultery, but you do murder, you are in the state of having become a violator of the Law. ¹²So speak in this way and act in this way: as those who are about to be judged through the law of freedom! ¹³For the judgment was merciless against the one not showing mercy! Mercy triumphs over judgment***!

¹⁴What is the benefit/what good does it do, my brothers, if someone would say he had faith, but wouldn’t have actions? That kind of faith can’t save him, can it? ¹⁵If a brother or sister really were naked and in need of their daily food, ¹⁶but anyone of you would say to them, “Go peace, warm yourselves up and feed yourselves until you’re full,” but you all wouldn’t give them the things the body needs, what good is it? ¹⁷So too the faith, if he wouldn’t have actions, is dead by definition.

¹⁸Butwill someone say, “You have faith, and I have actions”? Prove to me your faith without actions, and I will prove to you the faith from my actions! ¹⁹You believe that God is One, good job, even the demons believe [that] and so they shake in fear***! ²⁰But do you want to know, o empty man, that the faith without actions is useless/inactive/doesn’t work! ²¹Wasn’t Abraham our father proved righteous by actions by offering up Isaac his son on the altar? ²²You see that the faith acts together with his actions and by the actions the faith was made complete. ²³And the scripture was fulfilled that says “And Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him for righteousness and he was called God’s friend. ²⁴See that by actions a man proved righteous and by faith alone! ²⁵But also in the same way wasn’t Rahab the prostitute by actions proved righteous by welcoming the messenger as guests and sending them out on another road? ²⁶For just as the body without a spirit is dead, so too the faith without actions is dead!

James 3

^3.1Many of you, don’t become teachers, my brothers, because you know that we will get a greater judgment. ²For absolutely all of us trip up in many things. If some doesn’t trip up in speech, this is a perfect man, who is able to bridle/control also his whole body. ³But if we throw the bridle of the horses into their mouths so that they would obey us, then we direct their whole body. ⁴Look, also boats which are so great and driven by harsh winds are directed by a very small steering paddle, wherever the desire of the one who is guiding plans. ⁵So too, the tongue is a small part and boasts great things. Look, how big a fire burns such a great forest! ⁶And the tongue is fire! The world of unrighteousness! The tongue puts itself in charge among our body parts. The thing that stains the whole body and sets on fire the wheel of life and is being set on fire by Hell! ⁷For every species of both wild animals and birds, both reptiles and sea creatures is being tamed and is in a state of being tamed by human species, ⁸but the tongue no one among men is able to tame, an unstable/chaotic evil, full of deadly poison. ⁹With this [body part] we bless the Lord and Father and in this [body part] we curse humans, the ones coming to exist according to the likeness of God! ¹⁰From the same mouth a blessing and a curse comes out. It shouldn’t be that these things happen this way. ¹¹The spring doesn’t gush bitter [water] and sweet [water] from the same hole, does it? ¹²My brothers, a fig tree can’t make olives or a grapevine figs, can they? Neither [can] a what is salty make sweet water.

¹³Is there someone wise and learned/experienced*** among you? He had better show his actions from his good lifestyle in the humility of wisdom. ¹⁴But if you have bitter jealousy and selfishness in your heart, don’t boast and lie against the truth! ¹⁵This isn’t the wisdom from above that has come down, but earthly, unspiritual***, and demonic! Because wherever there is envy and selfishness, chaos and every base/wicked thing are there. ¹⁷And the wisdom that comes from above first of all is holy/pure, then peaceful, tolerantobedient, filled with mercy and good fruits, undiscriminating/nonjudgmental/impartial***, unhypocritical. ¹⁸And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace to those who practice peace.

James 4

^4.1Where to wars come from? And where do battlescome from among you? Isn’t from this? From your pleasures that wage war among your body parts? ²You desperately want, but you don’t have, you kill and envy and you can’t get [it/enough]***, you war and battle, you don’t have because you don’t ask. ³You ask and you don’t receive because you ask wickedly, so that you can blow your money on your pleasures! ⁴Adulteresses, don’t you know that the friendship of the world is hostile/an enemy of God? So whoever would want to be a friend of the world, is made [to be] an enemy of God. ⁵Or do you think that for no reason the Scripture says the Spirit Who lives in you desperately wants with jealousy, ⁶and gives greater grace? Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble. ⁷So, subordinate/submit to God, stand against the devil, and he will flee from you! ⁸Draw near to God and He will draw near to you! Clean [your] hands, sinners, and make your hearts holy, doubters! ⁹Feel miserable and mourn and cry! Your laughter had better turn into mourning and your happiness into dejection/depression. ¹⁰Be humbled before the Lord and He will raise you up. ¹¹Don’t talk down to one another, brothers. The person who speaks against a brother or judges his brother speaks against to the Law and judges the Law. But if you judge the Law, you’re not a doer of the Law, but a judge. ¹²There is One Lawgiver and Judge, the One Who can save and destroy, but who are you who judges the neighbor?

¹³Come on, now, those of you who say “Today or tomorrow we’ll go into such and such a city and we’ll work there for a year and make business deals and profit,” ¹⁴you who don’t know what kind of tomorrow your life will have, because you’re a vapor that***** appears for a little while, then also disappears. ¹⁵Instead of what you said, [say] “If the Lord would want, we’ll both live and do this or that.” ¹⁶But now you’re bragging with your arrogant-boasts! All of that kind of bragging is evil! ¹⁷So, for the person who knows to do what’s good and doesn’t do [it], it is sin for him!

James 5

^5.1Come on now, you rich people, sob, crying out because of your miseries that are coming on! ²Your riches are in a state of decaying and your clothes are in a state of becoming eaten-by-moths! ³Your gold and silver has become tarnished and their corrosion will be a testimony against you! And it will eat your fleshes like fire! You did store up in the last days! ⁴Look, the paycheck of the workers who mow*** your fields, the person being robbed [or perhaps ‘waiting to get paid’] by you cries out, and the shouts of those who harvest are in a state of speaking into the ears of the Lord of Armies! ⁵You lived for pleasure*** on the earth and you lived it up, you fed your hearts on a day of slaughter, ⁶you found guilty, you murdered the righteous person, he didn’t position himself against you!

⁷So, be patient, brothers until the coming of the Lord! Look, the farmer waits for the precious fruit from the ground, while being patient for it until it would get the early and the late [rain]. ⁸And be patient yourselves! Strengthen your hearts, because the coming of the Lord is close. ⁹Brothers and sisters, don’t groan against one another, so that you won’t be judged. Look, the Judge is standing in front of the doors. ¹⁰Brothers, take the prophets as an the example of suffering-evil and patience, who spoke in the Name of the Lord. ¹¹Look, we call blessed the people who endured. You’ve heard about the endurance of Job and you know what the Lord did in the end, because the Lord is caring and compassionate.

¹²But above all, my brothers, don’t swear oaths either to heaven or earth or any other oath. But your yes had better mean yes, and your no had better mean no, so that you don’t fall under judgment.

¹³Someone suffering evil among you, had better pray. Someone who’s happy had better sing praise songs! ¹⁴Someone who’s sick among you, had better summon the elders of the church and they had better pray over him, while smearing [him] with olive oil in the Name of the Lord. ¹⁵And the prayer of faith will save the sick person and the Lord will raise him—even if he would have done some sin, it will be forgiven him. ¹⁶So confess out loud your sins to one another and pray for another, so that you’d healed. A righteous person’s prayer is really strong, so it’s effective. ¹⁷Elijah was a man with the same nature as us, and in a prayer he prayed that it wouldn’t rain. And it didn’t rain on the land for three years and six months! ¹⁸And he prayed again, and the sky gave rain and the land produced its fruit!

¹⁹My brothers, if someone among you has been led astray from truth and someone turns him around, ²⁰he had better know that the person who turns a sinner around from the deception of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a large number of sins!

"Faith is just Christian Guts"

Dr. Averbeck went down a rabbit trail in class last night, but it was spiritually encouraging. He went moderately off topic to discuss what faith is. His main point was

"Faith is just Christian guts!"

He went on to say that it is the guts to trust God and endure through the hard stuff for Him because He asked.

I might add that faith is living courageously for God. It is laying it all on the line just to obey! It is leaving yourself so exposed that if Yahweh doesn't show up, you're cooked. But it is more than just taking a risk. It is knowing that despite how much it looks like a risk, it's really not, because of Who God is and what He has said and what He promises to do! Hebrews 11.1 puts it like this:

"Faith IS the metaphysical reality of the things being hoped for, the proof what the stuff that's not seen"

That means that faith is like having it before you have it, its like being sure of what you can't see. When we trust God for the things we're hoping for (that is the things He's called us to hope for, not the stuff we want to hope for like finding a winning lotto ticket (but who wants dirty money?) or finding that special someone), that means that on the deepest possible level we already have it, although we are still waiting to have it on every level. It means the things we don't see yet, but want to, when we trust we have seen them. For example, if we trust in Christ, we have the proof that we will see Him, the faith is the proof. It is all the proof we need that He is real. However, trusting like this does take guts, so let's get gutsy and trust!

"The [Spiritual] Gifts are Really Just Tools for Loving Well"

So tonight in my Pentateuch and Historical Books Class with Dr. Richard Averbeck I heard such a legit quote! Dr. Averbeck was commenting on the meaning of I Cor 12-13 and explained that the point Paul was making was "the [Spiritual] gifts are really just tools for loving well."

That perspective and insight was legit. They really are. I experientially resonate with that idea, because when I preach that is what it is for me, it is my way of expressing my love to my sheep, to the rest of the body of Christ. God gives me this love for people and then it compels me to preach and teach and counsel and pastor and evangelize and lead and disciple! I pray that indeed I use all my Spiritual gifts to love well, and that you do too.

Make My Joy Complete: How the Church Should be a Joy to Pastors and Christ

This past week I went to J-Gen for the first time, at which I was a counselor. It was there in the Reidger Chapel at Taylor University that God opened my eyes to something that I should have been able to see since the beginning in the Church as a pastor: Joy. It is odd, but at long last I get those verse where Paul goes "Make my joy complete..." or Jesus says "that your joy may be complete"--this I am sure would make Christian Hedonists everywhere smile, but even still. I get it now. Before I could never understand how that could be a Godly thing to beg others to complete my own joy, but I get it! Make my Joy Complete! Although it seems selfish, my own joy is bound up with their faith and God's glory. I should indeed be filled with great joy as I see God being truly worshipped! How amazing will heaven be as I not simply worship, love, trust, and rejoice in God myself but as I rejoice in everyone else's worship--as I rejoice in God being glorified! What else could bring more joy to my heart, mind, eyes, ears, and soul than to see God Almighty, the One and Only Forever, glorified by all for all! My joy is for God's Best! My joy is for their best too! I beg them to make my joy complete, because it is my joy to have them continue in the faith for eternity, in ontology and activity! Indeed, since so many fall away, how great indeed is my joy when one person trusts in God for now and for always no matter the cost! How great is my joy when God is glorified by comparison instead of contrast! My joy is their faith exploding over into everyday life everyday! I rejoice to see my sheep--all sheep--worship God and to love and hope and trust in God--the One and Only God, who Is the GREAT I AM and who Is THE HOLY TRINITY! O how I rejoice in the exceeding joy of real faith being in my sheep--in all sheep--and that same faith going out in practice in Glory, Love, Trust, Hope, and Zeal for God all filled with Joy in Him!

I rejoice when girls starving themselves see their Hope in Christ and that True Beauty is first about being Beautiful to God--that such obsession with skinniness is just foolishness of the flesh, world, and devil--O how I rejoice to see girls see that being Beautiful to God comes way before looking "Beautiful" to the world--Indeed, Sarah was often (even in her old age) desirable to the world, but she clothed herself with submissiveness to Abraham. Godliness knocks socks off! O how I rejoice in men realizing the shallow and depraved foolishness of adulterous self-indulgence! O how I rejoice with men as they gut the idol of porn with the Holy Spirit's aid! O how I rejoice when impurity and sexual immorality leaves the sheep of my Good Shepherd! O how I rejoice when self-destruction and self-obsession vanish from the bodies and minds of the sheep of God! O how I rejoice when those in fear praise God for faith and courage! O how I rejoice when Christ's sheep hear His Voice and obey in faith! O how I rejoice when the sinner repents! O how I rejoice when there is Unity in the Body of Christ and Fidelity in Marriages down deep into even the passing impulses of the soul! O how I rejoice when God is Glorified in all things in all ways always! O how I rejoice when God's Word becomes the Anchor of Hope and Faith and Life and Love in Christ Jesus through the Holy Spirit according to the Sovereign Will of the Father! O how I rejoice when my sheep--all sheep--study God's Word passionately and lovingly endlessly, all the while in all things in all ways in all times praying as Christ does in complete and total faith and zeal and passion and emotion to God, their Hearer! O how I rejoice in the faith, hope, love, joy, and unity of Christ's Bride the Church! O how I rejoice as He washes us with the Word removing any and every blemish! O how I rejoice in all this and more! O how I rejoice in our rapture to Christ! O how I rejoice in the Holy Trinity's being glorified in us, the Body and Bride of Christ!

Brothers and Sister, please make my Joy Complete!

I LOVE the faith of children...

Today, it was most refreshing to see the beauty, humility, and honesty of a child's faith--O how I praise God for the sweet faith of His beloved children (literal children in age that is, not just us adopted children) that as I was helping someone at church to find a way to teach from Scripture that God is Real to children, the Spirit touched my heart to move from Exodus and Romans to Genesis as the foundational passage for the sermon. I then turned to my left as I called Jenny Kim a cute, Korean 2nd-Grader over to us to ask her a question. I asked her, "Jenny, how do you know that God is real?" She replied just as I hoped she would, "Because He made the world!" It was then that my heart praised God for her faith and its youthful beauty. She got it. All she needed to know or to see or whatever was just God has given us to belive in Him: Himself and His Word and His Creation. She did not need long explanations, she just held by God's grace to the faith! O Lord, that we would have faith in our hearts, minds, bodies, and souls that so we would trust You first and have a devout, humble, beautiful faith--childlike faith! O Holy Trinity, that we would trust in You, Your Word, and Your general revelation so easily! Hallelujah for Your gracing Jenny with such a pure, wise, passionate faith--please sustain it and keep it, while making us have faith like that!

My Testimony

God called me to salvation by His Loving Grace through my faith in Christ Jesus' death in my stead for my sin and my just eternal punishment in hell because of that sin and His Resurrection from the dead after 3 days in the tomb assuring me of eternal life--all by the working of the Holy Spirit in my soul who then came into me to dwell and sanctify me until the day of my receiving a new glorious body devoid of sin or weakness or fault and empower for the keeping of the faith, hope, and love to the Glory of the Holy Trinity forever and ever and the good works that God has pre-ordained for all the elect.

He did this when I was 3 almost 4 years old. It was a sunny day in late spring or early summer, but I was inside and my mother was preparing a Sunday School lesson with cutouts. Suddenly, the Holy Spirit reached inside of my wicked soul and convicted me of my current destiny of hell because of my sin and my need therefore of Jesus as my Savior. I did not want to hell for sure, so I told Jesus that I did not want to go to hell and I told Him that I really did believe that He died on the cross for my sins and rose from the dead on the third day. I asked Him to forgive me of my sins and come into my heart and give me eternal life in heaven. At that moment I felt the burden of my sins fall of my soul and the Spirit come in--Peace in the best and purest sense, Peace. For the next several years I grew little by little and I was baptized at age 7 if I remember accurately in the Name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. I had a mean streak however, according to my mother, which indeed I did and it lasted for a while. When I was about 12-13 I started actually listening to the sermons at church instead of drawing and personally pursuing God actively on my own with desire rather than just the passive pursuit that I had mostly had, although I served at church, prayed, memorized scripture, and read my Bible before then--I would say that I go more serious about things around that time. Puberty and all that agony was soon in full swing, which unfortunately meant that keeping my heart and mind in pure places was suddenly a great difficult. That turbulence was ironically a time of great growth in spite of the grotesque amounts of lust sin at the same time--I am living proof God is gracious and does not treat us in the way our sins deserve. Pastor Craig Parrow was my mentor and is still a good friend. He, God used to teach me much. Most of this is my retrospective analysis; God is good! This time full of darkness and growth lasted I was aged 16, then I surprise turn about came.

God called me to be a pastor. From then on the whole lust issue was more of a non-issue--God is so gracious. God intervened several times in the following eight months to reveal to me great truths and initiate great growth. I stepped up in the youth group and started leading--someday I will have to write out the story of my pastoral calling and subsequent affirming months--and was even given opportunities to teach. When the weather got warmer, I started evangelizing on the street every oppotunity I could get. That summer I got to teach the VBS several times. Oh right, I forgot to mention, my dad got a new job which required my familty to move from Cleveland, Ohio to Le Roy, Illinois. I was very active in the youth group and the church up until we left when I was 17 in September-October.

There is more to the testimony--I am almost 21 after all--but it will have to wait for another time. I know, sort of a cliff-hanger, but oh well...